Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Rite of Passage

Unlike most other people I always wanted daughters. During my carefree reckless youth I used to wonder and argue endlessly with my mother and my friends as to why we have to get married to have children. The 1960s and 1970s were not ready for that type of radical ideas and both my friends and my mother naturally were aghast at such an unseemly idea. Well to cut a long story short, I did get married and I did become pregnant as per traditions and  when my elder daughter was put into my arms my joy knew no bounds. Fours years later came the next little adorable bundle and I had to be satisfied because neither my finances nor my age would permit me to have any more. Every step they took, every word they spoke, every little act of mischief filled me with happiness. Their first day in school, the prizes they received, their academic success all added to my treasure chest of bliss. 

When they were babies I felt helpless because I did not know what to make of their cries - were they hungry? Was it a pain which was causing them to cry? Was it an horrible memory of their past life that was hurting them? I would desperately wring my hands and my mother would say " Don't worry, crying will make their lungs go bigger" and I would give her a dirty look  "What a heartless mother you must have been!" 

When they went to school the first time, I nearly cried more than them. When the elder one went to school happily without a murmur, a part of me was sad and another happy. My ego was satisfied when the younger one gave trouble to go to school though it created a lot of logistic problems. 

When they were at the school age, I felt invincible. Like the little boy in the advertisement for Sundrop   they felt and said, "My Mother the bestest". My younger daughter told me the other day that once while we were travelling her slipper fell between the platform and the train and she was very sure that she would not get it but with in a few minutes I gave it to her having rescued it with the help of a beggar. In their eyes I could do everything and I was infallible. 

That too passed and when they were in teens, they were a little ashamed of their gauche mother though they were still in awe of my academic prowess and it was only as they became young adults that we became close friends and just as I had begun to enjoy this phase they are ready to spread their wings and fly away.

As the wedding of the first daughter draws near, my heart is filled with trepidation - I don't know whether I am gaining a son or losing a daughter.... This is truly a rite of passage for me. The next few years will be the litmus test of how good I have been as a mother?


Saturday, January 12, 2013

Pongallo Pongal - My Experiences

The first Hindu festival of the year is Pongal variously known as Sankranti, Sukarat/Sakart, Lohri, Pous Parbon and myriads of other names is essentially a harvest festival celebrated in different ways all over   India.  This festival is of greater importance in a Tamil Household compared to Diwali or any other festival. 

My earliest memory of this festival is the "spring cleaning" of the house that used to precede the festival. Wherever we were, whether in Ambarnath, Bhilai, Visakhapatnam or Durg my mother would start the process of cleaning the house from the second day of January. Before the 1960s when the walls were usually not finished with paint, the process of whitewashing would take place during this time. To enable the whitewashing, all the household articles would be brought out into the courtyard or front yard and gone through very carefully, discarding things which were broken or not used for a long time. All the discarded items that were recyclable were given to the Kabaadiwala and broken wooden and other inflammable materials for which he had no use were piled up in one corner of  the.garden. New brooms, sieves, reed mats and others made with biodegradable materials would be bought. Once the house was spick and span, attention would be paid to buying new clothes for the family and getting them stitched in the pre-readymade era. Usually by the twelfth of January the floors in the house were covered with maakolams drawn with rice paste and the family was ready for the four day festival, which usually begins on 13th January.

On Bhogi , the first day of  the festival, we would be woken up early in the morning by 4.00 am and all the discarded articles would be piled up in the open space in front of the house and the bonfire would be lit. My mother would add old broomsticks, the sieve(bamboo sieve) and an old mat to the conflagration with the prayer that all the peedai (negativity) should be burnt up in the bhogi fire. As children we used to be given small drums, which we would bang with great gusto and dance around the fire. Almost all the South Indian homes in the area had a bonfire going in front of their houses. There would be lot of socializing as we went around visiting each other's bonfires. After that followed the process of an elaborate head bath with application of oil to every part of the body and bathing with Shikakai paste for the head and fragrant Nalangu Maavu for the body. While the others went about getting ready for their bath, the daughter of the house that is me got down to the process of drawing the kolam in front of the house. The area in front of the threshold was decorated with huge kolams. On Pongal day the kolam would have the motif of Pongal Paanai and sugar cane; on Maatu Pongal day it was an elaborate rangoli and on the last day it was the design of a chariot.  After the bath the whole family would assemble for a simple puja. In our home there would be a sumptuous lunch with payasam but not as sumptuous as the lunch the following day.

On Pongal day, we all bathed but not head bath though my mother used to have a head bath on that day too before starting the cooking. After lighting the lamp in the puja room, my mother would apply three horizontal stripes of vibhudi on the four sides of the Pongal Paanai (usually made of bronze) and apply a kumkum tikka to the middle stripe  on all four sides. She would then tie a fresh turmeric stalk with the fresh turmeric rhizome still attached to it around the rim of the paanai (see picture above) and put it on the stove to make the pongal with rice, green gram dhal, milk and jaggery. When the milk reaches boiling point, it foams up and all the family members would shout in unison "Pongalo Pongal" ( May Prosperity overflow). With that the men went to their preoccupations while the women  cooked a sumptuous lunch - rice, dal, sambhar, rasam, vegetable kootu, one poriyal, one varul, sweet patchadi, raita, thohiyal, appalam, vadaam, vadai, payasam, curd and of course the chakra pongal. All the items prepared for lunch  would be served on a banana leaf in front of the family deities in the puja room. There would of course be betel leaves with nuts, sugar cane and other fruits. Aarti was performed before the deities in the pooja room as well as to the Sun since this is His special pooja. All family members would once again chant Pongallo Pongal thrice. After the puja, all the youngsters would prostate themselves before the elders and take their blessings. Usually the elders would give them a small amount of money. Mother would then take a little bit of all the items prepared, mix it and place it outside on the compound wall calling out "Kaa Kaa" - an invitation to the crows to come and feed as it is believed that our ancestors come as crow to feed on the prasad on festival days. The family would sit down to the meal served on banana leaves. In the evening, mother would wear her new sari and we would go visiting other households to receive manjal kum kum from other homemakers. My mother did not give out manjal kumkum like others because it was not a practice in her mother-in-law's house. 

The third day was Maattu Pongal and that is when we got our non-vegetarian treat. Usually on this day at least two varieties of non-veg items would be prepared. Since we were not a farming family this day had no other significance but as a child I remember that cattle used  to be decorated beautifully and paraded around the streets of Saidapet in Chennai. They would usually be accompanied by drum beats and pipes.
The fourth day known as Kaanum Pongal is reserved for site seeing. People will go visiting their relatives or to the beach, zoo or other such spots.

Having lived in the North always, Pongal in our family was a mongrel tradition with us doing what we can in a place far away from the native place where traditions are more strict and customs more meticulously followed. However mongrel it may have been we enjoyed this festival very much!