Unlike most other people I always wanted daughters. During my carefree reckless youth I used to wonder and argue endlessly with my mother and my friends as to why we have to get married to have children. The 1960s and 1970s were not ready for that type of radical ideas and both my friends and my mother naturally were aghast at such an unseemly idea. Well to cut a long story short, I did get married and I did become pregnant as per traditions and when my elder daughter was put into my arms my joy knew no bounds. Fours years later came the next little adorable bundle and I had to be satisfied because neither my finances nor my age would permit me to have any more. Every step they took, every word they spoke, every little act of mischief filled me with happiness. Their first day in school, the prizes they received, their academic success all added to my treasure chest of bliss.
When they were babies I felt helpless because I did not know what to make of their cries - were they hungry? Was it a pain which was causing them to cry? Was it an horrible memory of their past life that was hurting them? I would desperately wring my hands and my mother would say " Don't worry, crying will make their lungs go bigger" and I would give her a dirty look "What a heartless mother you must have been!"
When they went to school the first time, I nearly cried more than them. When the elder one went to school happily without a murmur, a part of me was sad and another happy. My ego was satisfied when the younger one gave trouble to go to school though it created a lot of logistic problems.
When they were at the school age, I felt invincible. Like the little boy in the advertisement for Sundrop they felt and said, "My Mother the bestest". My younger daughter told me the other day that once while we were travelling her slipper fell between the platform and the train and she was very sure that she would not get it but with in a few minutes I gave it to her having rescued it with the help of a beggar. In their eyes I could do everything and I was infallible.
That too passed and when they were in teens, they were a little ashamed of their gauche mother though they were still in awe of my academic prowess and it was only as they became young adults that we became close friends and just as I had begun to enjoy this phase they are ready to spread their wings and fly away.
As the wedding of the first daughter draws near, my heart is filled with trepidation - I don't know whether I am gaining a son or losing a daughter.... This is truly a rite of passage for me. The next few years will be the litmus test of how good I have been as a mother?
When they were babies I felt helpless because I did not know what to make of their cries - were they hungry? Was it a pain which was causing them to cry? Was it an horrible memory of their past life that was hurting them? I would desperately wring my hands and my mother would say " Don't worry, crying will make their lungs go bigger" and I would give her a dirty look "What a heartless mother you must have been!"
When they went to school the first time, I nearly cried more than them. When the elder one went to school happily without a murmur, a part of me was sad and another happy. My ego was satisfied when the younger one gave trouble to go to school though it created a lot of logistic problems.
When they were at the school age, I felt invincible. Like the little boy in the advertisement for Sundrop they felt and said, "My Mother the bestest". My younger daughter told me the other day that once while we were travelling her slipper fell between the platform and the train and she was very sure that she would not get it but with in a few minutes I gave it to her having rescued it with the help of a beggar. In their eyes I could do everything and I was infallible.
That too passed and when they were in teens, they were a little ashamed of their gauche mother though they were still in awe of my academic prowess and it was only as they became young adults that we became close friends and just as I had begun to enjoy this phase they are ready to spread their wings and fly away.
As the wedding of the first daughter draws near, my heart is filled with trepidation - I don't know whether I am gaining a son or losing a daughter.... This is truly a rite of passage for me. The next few years will be the litmus test of how good I have been as a mother?
