Communication in the Family - II - Relational Names

My mother, used to being addressed as Didi , Mausi, Peddamma, Kaaki and even the generic "Aunty" of the present day, was aghast when she reached US because no one younger than her had dared to call her by the first name until she reached Boston.

Everyone who has been abroad will attest to the fact that people address each other by the first name once they have crossed the formal stage of relations. Slowly we Indians have begun to imbibe this practice. In the past the husbands were always referred to by wives as "munni ke pithaji" or "avanga'' ; elder brothers were referred to as Bhaiyya or its variation in North and Anna in South while younger brothers were referred to as bhai or thambi respectively. The first name may be attached to the honorific title and someone may be referred to as Raju bhaiyya or Sonu Bhai. These titles were available for every relationship in the family and elders in the family used to insist on their being used. A little sister calling her elder brother by first name can surely not have as much respect for him as when she is trained to call him Bhaiyya and the very title implies a privilege and a responsibility. In our country we were trained to address even our servants by titles like Maasi, Kaka and so on and taught to respect them for their age and experience.

Unfortunately the dropping of these titles in our daily conversation slowly erodes the respect due to elders in our communication. Children should therefore be trained from childhood to address each other by honorific titles in order to help them understand the limits of etiquette in communication. Once these respectful titles are used, communication will automatically improve. A husband who is called by his first name by his wife may be easily bullied by her as shown in the Reliance advertisement. The title alerts both 'caller' and the 'called' about their role and responsibility in the communication process.

So let us revive the tradition of addressing each other by the honorific family titles to improve bonding and communication in the family.

Communication in the Family - I

We live in Information Age and communication is the moola mantra of relations with others in public life. Everyone from the chaaywala on the pavements to the CEO of the Corporate Organization works hard to improve their communication skills but forget all those tips and techniques when they enter their homes. Why does this happen?

Every one of us has a 'private face' that we wear at home and a 'public face' that we wear outside the home.We take it as our birth right and prerogative to behave “naturally” and not"hypocritically" when at home. We rarely stop to think about how this affects the family members and our relationship with them.

Relationships in the family are the most important bond in one's life. They provide meaning to our life and inspire us to reach higher levels of personal and professional success. Family members of all generations support us and help us to move forward and onwards. They protect us from loneliness and provide an oasis where we can be ourselves. "Being ourselves" does not mean that we show only our negative side. Effective Communication skills help to lubricate relationships and strengthen them while poor communication hurts people and breaks relationships isolating individuals.

The first step to improved communication in the family is to show that we are concerned about our family members. Here are a few tips to improve communication in the family.

• Address each other by relational titles like anna, bhaiyya etc.
• Cultivate patience and tranquility
• Yield when someone is angry
• Exhibit pleasant behaviour and personality
• Trust each other
• Co-operate with all family members
• Demonstrate empathy for each other
• Avoid retaliation when someone blames wrongly
• Avoid nagging
• Accede to elders and men

Complaints about Complaining

"Namaskar! Bharathiya Rail ki Pooch-taach seva meh appaka swagath hai!
Welcome to Indian Railways Inquiry System!
Hindi meh jaankari ke liyw ek dabaye; for English press 2; veru mozhiguluku mundrai azhuthungal; telugu kosam rendu nokkandi
For information regarding PNR number press one-for arrival/departure press two - for seat availability press three - for information regarding charges press four........"Whenever one rings up an organization for assistance whether it be for information or complain or any other reason one has to go through this rigmarole of listening carefully and pressing one or the other button according to instruction from a mechanical voice - usually female. If you manage to go through the whole series of listening and pressing the button you are still liable to reach another mechanical voice with a fresh set of directives. Most often you may reach a stage where your particular problem does not fit in their set of options and then you have to start all over again. This is if your phone is a good one with new press buttons that listen to you and obey you as you obey the instructions meticulously. If the instrument is an old one (as is mine) the chances are that the phone will refuse to cooperate with you and you have to start "at the very beginning, a very good place to start". I shudder when I have to use this system and try to avoid it as much as possible.
When I was growing up there was always an operator (usually female) at the end of the line who would address your problem instantly. This tribe of operators were usually very helpful and would even lend a shoulder to cry on if the problem merited it. I salute that tribe of operators and wish they were back - I am sure they will wave the magic wand and set things right at the blink of the eye!

Strawberries in Visakhapatnam

Two weeks ago I nearly fell out of the auto rickshaw I was travelling in when I spotted strawberries for sale on the pavement of Visakhapatnam main road. These exotic fruits are not usually seen even in the regular fruit market and the only shops to stock it used to be the uptown departmental store Karachiwala at really high prices and here was this vendor selling it so casually along with guava, apples and grapes. I could not resist asking the price because I had never ever tasted them earlier though my imagination and English reading experience had led me to have an exquisite expectation of the taste of this exotic fruit much celebrated by the characters of Enid Blyton and all the novels published by Mills & Boon. I did not bat an eyelid when he quoted one hundred rupees for ten tiny strawberries hardly larger than the zizypus or ber that we are used to buying for a few paisas. I decided to get it though the same amount would have fetched me one and half a Kg of seedless black grapes, at least a dozen red luscious apples, two dozens of bananas, twenty green guavas....Oh the list is endless - butI stuck to my resolve and decided that strawberries were worth their weight and not to be compared with these lowly fruits.
My husband raised his eyebrow at the cost and the fruit but decided to humour me. I washed each of those strawberries very carefully in water and discovered two damaged ones to my dismay. I arranged them on an elegant white china plate - no a saucer was enough - with a golden rim. I offered my husband one and took one and very elegantly bit into it. Eeeeek! It was sour ! My husband very gently inquired "Is it supposed to taste like this?"
I did not know how to answer him so I just pretended no to hear the question. Two days later an old friend a Cosmopolitan who had travelled extensively in the West came home. I offered her the strawberry and asked her to taste it tell me whether it tasted like the ones she had tasted abroad.
That is when I realized that native fruits are best eaten in their natural habitat. May be these strawberries would taste exotic and exquisite in their home land. There is no doubt that in Visakhapatnam they cannot compete with the taste of Jamun, Mango, guava and and other local fruits like rose apple, palmyra fruit to name a few. So I am sorry to say, "Good bye Scarlet Strawberries! You will never again tempt me!"