“My seven-year-old son is like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde – one minute sweet and smiling like an angel and the next moment is raging like a Tasmanian devil on being denied something or the other. I am a working woman unable to cope!”
“My ten-year-old daughter has become a leech and does not let go of me even for a while. She follows me with a woebegone face. Nothing seems to cheer her.” ~ says Dr Shanta
It is well known that the COVID-19 Pandemic has created a variety of psychological issues both in adults as well as in children. Children are worse affected because they cannot understand what is happening to them. They do not have the resources and the coping strategies that adults have acquired through experience. They deserve our sympathy!
In the pre-COVID era (the time lapse does feel long) children used to be out of their homes for nearly half of their waking hours from Monday to Friday and in some cases Saturday also.
During the day, they had a variety of exposures to a variety of situations (from a squirrel darting across the road to the large lumbering lorry with a load) and interactions with a diverse group of people ranging from the support staff in the school to the Principal or Headmistress. All these provided them with diversions and entertainment. Each day was filled with marvelous wonders – chattering with peers during their commute to school; encounters with support staff of the school; greeting and interacting with juniors, peers and seniors; playing in the field either under or without supervision and most important the classroom experience with its academic ambience. The smiling Class teacher, who becomes friend, philosopher and guide though she/he may behave like Hitler at times. The exposure and experiences were pleasurable and exciting on most days. If on occasions it became difficult and distressing, they always had the comfort and security of home to return to!
The home with the cozy comfort of Mom waiting with a comforting embrace and tasty eatables, to share the day with; Papa to praise and may be a grandpa and/or a grandma to hug and tell stories. Home became the castle where the child returned to share his victories and receive praises or the oasis if the day had been dreary as a desert at school.
If a teacher scolded or the day had been bad at school, the family members consoled the child. If he got a scolding or had a bad day at home, he shared with his friends, who narrated similar tales and they realized that what they are going through a common phenomenon shared by all children. The astute and caring teachers provided a strategic support if the child was distressed by a situation at home.
In the present scenario, the situation is similar to what Jim Reeves sang of “Four walls to hear me, four walls to see, four walls too near me, Closing in on me”! The family members have to assume both the roles – the tormentor as well as the tormented. From morning to evening, life is a monotonous routine of seeing the same faces and hearing the same admonitions. “Don’t play with the ball inside the house”, “Don’t shout, can’t you see I am in a meeting?”, “Don’t disturb the baby”, “Don’t argue with granny!”, Don’t do this, Don’t do that - life becomes a litany of don’ts! The little entertainment provided during the Parents’ scarce leisure time is often not adequate to rejuvenate or refresh the young minds.
The online classes were fun to start with due to the novelty but as the days rolled by with not light at the end of the tunnel, it became monotonous. In the regular classroom, one could hide behind another student and get away with any sort of mischief but now there are two hawk eyes – the teacher through the camera and the parent/ caretaker sitting by the side. The child is under unrelenting scrutiny throughout the class and rest of the day, unable to escape from their homes, which has become a golden cage.
This leads to what was called at one time Cabin Fever and the person suffering from it was called ‘Stir-crazy” characterized by symptoms of irritability, boredom, some hopelessness, restlessness and difficulty in concentrating. Add to this the screen addiction that has been induced by online schooling and the resultant withdrawal symptoms when denied screen time – you have a simmering volcano ready to erupt! Unacceptable behaviour manifested in a variety of ways from downright disobedience to defiance!
How can we avoid or at least ameliorate the situation and help each other mutually?
Modelling Ideal Behaviour – Attempt to present a peaceful, loving relationships for all family members especially children so they feel secure and loved.
Using a Positive approach - “Please speak more quietly” will work better than “Stop shouting,” that is telling them what you want from them instead of what you don’t! Use praise lavishly to make them know they are valued.
Listen to your kids and provide them the support only you can give. Children will always look to parents for support and reassurance… listen to them when they share their feelings. Do not be judgemental but give them comfort…. Go with them if necessary to bring them back to your track.
Empathy - Be open and show children that you are listening to what they are saying and respond. Or say “I need some time to think about this, can you be patient?”.
Involve everyone as far as possible to help in the household tasks so that there is a scheduled relaxation time for all stakeholders.
Schedule fun things to do at least once a week inside the house even if it is just a mundane act like tickling each other and giggling.
You may be tempted to read this and brush it off as
the brainless work of a jobless person trying to fill cyberspace with words and
more words – let me assure you that if you follow the tips, you will definitely
not regret it.
Family Time
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