Malathi’s Marriage published in the Women's Era magazine (March 2014)

“Twinkling bulbs and beautiful flowers have turned this place into a veritable fairy land,” thought the septuagenarian Sundari as she stepped out of the car at the entrance of the hall, where her eldest granddaughter Malathi’s wedding was to be performed.  The alley from the well-decorated entrance to the portico was covered with beautiful, huge rangolis – all lovingly drawn by her friends and relatives. As was common in the grand weddings of Chennai, machines vending popcorn, cotton candy, cold cocoa, ice cream and instant coffee were lined up all along one side of the spacious portico. Children were already busy playing in the inflatable castle-shaped jumping bag assisted by attendants dressed up as Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. All these paraphernalia were unheard of when she was young but now no wedding was complete without these. She saw her four younger grandchildren, all dressed in their traditional best, welcoming the wedding guests. After one eagle-eyed supervisory round of the kitchen, dining room and the groom’s quarters, she settled down to oversee the bride’s  make up. Though outwardly calm, the worry about the unfulfilled demand of the groom’s party niggled at her mind.

“Amma, where are you? Come quickly, Ravi is at the entrance and it looks as if he is here to create trouble. The groom’s party will be here very soon. Hurry up only you can handle him,” Kumar, her eldest son called out.  As she hastened after Kumar, many guests tried to stop her with their congratulations. 

 “What a grand wedding and that too for a niece! Kumar and Nataraj are indeed very good sons and do you know……….”  Sundari smiled at them vaguely as she rushed after Kumar.

Though her body followed her eldest son mechanically, her mind traveled back twenty two years to the black day when her pregnant daughter Parvathi, brutally beaten by her alcoholic husband Ravi had come for refuge to her father’s house late at night. A repentant Ravi had come to their house the very next day with apologies and promises but Sundari had no time for him. Parvathi had been so badly beaten that she needed ten stitches on her face and hospitalization for four days.  When she was discharged from hospital, Sundari brought her home and nursed her back to health. With in a few days, Malathi was born prematurely and needed extra medical care. 

For three months as is the South Indian custom, Sundari and her family looked after Parvathi and Malathi. It was during this period that Sundari extracted the whole story about her son-in-law’s alcoholic habits and understood how patient Parvathi had been in her marital house. She realized that her daughter, although just a matriculate had tried all methods from rituals to rehabilitation to cure her husband of his addiction. She had spent money unstintingly, even to the extent of pawning her jewels but to no avail. Every little event - be it a happy one or a sad one - was an excuse for him to drink. 

Her mother-in-law defended her son saying, “Men are usually like that and it is up to us women to adjust. Drinking is in Ravi’s genes, even his father was an inveterate drunkard, who used to beat me and he continued to do so until he died in a drunken brawl.” 

 Parvathi had borne all the sufferings because she knew that her family led a very hard life and that her wedding had all but wiped out their savings so she did not want to add to their burdens. When Sundari spoke about this to her family their reaction was, “What can we do? It is Parvathi’s fate. She has to adjust.” 

At the end of three months, when Ravi came with his mother to take his wife and child back home, Sundari refused to send her daughter back. Sundari’s husband, her two sons and their wives were aghast at her decision.  Her husband Murugesh thundered at her, “Are you mad, Woman? Do you want to ruin your daughter’s life? How can she stay here away from her husband? What will people say? Who will respect our family? We will be ostracized from the community. Have you taken leave of your senses?”

Kumar, her eldest son said, “Amma, Ravi is only a drunkard; he is not a womanizer or a drug addict. May be Parvathi is responsible for Ravi’s drinking? Is it not the wife’s responsibility to guide and change her husband. Have you not heard of Kannagi and how she changed her husband?”

“Amma, you are right no doubt but just think of the little Malathi. What will you do when she asks for her father? Won’t children taunt her in school that she has no father? When she grows up who will marry a fatherless girl?” asked her younger son, the recently married Nataraj. His wife nodded in agreement with him while looking at Parvathi with sympathy. 

The elder daughter–in-law Kumari always soft spoken and supportive of Sundari asked,” What will our relatives say if Parvathi becomes a vaazhaveti (abandoned woman)? She will have no status in our community? She will not be allowed to participate in auspicious functions.”  Behind her statement lay the fear of how they were going to feed two extra mouths on the income, from the offset printing press a family concern, which was barely enough for a hand to mouth existence. 

In face of all this opposition, Sundari was very stubborn and steadfast in her decision.  Ravi and his mother were shocked at the turn of events and tried to appease them but Sundari refused to change her mind. They retreated with threats of court case and panchayat action. Nothing came of it since the recalcitrant Ravi now drank to forget the sorrow caused by separation from his wife and the mother could do nothing without his help. Sundari had acted decisively and called for a meeting of their community panchayat and made the separation official and formal. 

 Sundari’s husband stopped talking with her, her sons argued with her on every issue; the daughters-in-law grew rebellious and grumpy while her daughter cried eternally as if there was a spring in her eyes. The only human being unaffected by all this chaos was little Malathi, who with her sunny smiles and happy disposition charmed everyone from her grouchy grandpa to the irritable youngest aunt. Parvathi soon recovered her equanimity and started helping her sisters-in-law with the household work and slowly won their hearts by her sweet nature and generosity of spirit. 

Sundari approached a local Apparel Unit and persuaded them to employ Parvathi initially as a cleaner and requested them to train her gradually for stitching or any other suitable skill. Within two years Parvathi was earning enough to support herself and her daughter. The neighbours’ stares and taunts were gradually replaced by sympathy as they observed Parvathi’s docile nature and her sincere efforts to support herself and her daughter.

Sundari realized that her daughter’s meager salary would never pay for her growing granddaughter’s needs so she involved herself in their family business of printing much against her husband’s wishes.  Her innate business sense coupled with her understanding of human nature helped them to improve their business and profits, which began as a trickle but soon turned into a steady flow assuring them of a comfortable though not luxurious life style. 

After Murugesh’s death, Sundari controlled the expanding family with iron hands in velvet gloves. She managed to keep the family together in spite of their personal jealousies and rivalry with tact and diplomacy.   She was blessed with four grandchildren by the sons and as the business improved they were able to build a small two bedroom house. Sundari and the rest of the family believed that their fortunes had changed due to Malathi’s luck.

Sundari, ever aware of her responsibility towards Malathi, encouraged her to study well and the girl did not disappoint her grandmother. After completing her graduation she secured a good job through campus interview and enrolled for M.B.A through distance mode. For the last two years her grandmother had invested Malathi’s salary wisely to assemble the trousseau for her wedding.  

Malathi readily agreed to the alliance that her uncles brought for her and the uncles were happy because this marriage would elevate their status in society and make it easier for their children to settle well in life. Malathi’s in-laws belonged to a well-to-do family and agreed to this marriage due to pressure from their only son Madan who was nearing thirty but had been refusing to get married until he met Malathi by chance. They had yielded to his pressure only because they were impressed by Malathi’s amiable nature as also the sincerity and integrity of her uncles.  They were dissatisfied that Malathi’s family was not in a position to include a pair of diamond earrings in the bride’s trousseau but Madan did not yield. Sundari was worried as to whether that would cause a problem later but was in no position at present to fulfill that particular requirement. 

Since it was the first wedding in the family and Malathi was their blue eyed darling, the uncles organized a lavish function, a little beyond their means. Everyone was full of praises for the arrangements and now this unforeseen problem of Ravi had cropped up. Recollecting her past experiences with Ravi, Sundari was worried about the scene he would create and the effect it would have on Malathi’s in-laws, who were very particular about their prestige and position in society. 

As she neared the entrance she saw the worried faces of her daughters-in-law but was relieved to see that Parvathi was nowhere around. Kumar took her to the ante room where she found an emaciated, unkempt Ravi sitting on a chair with his head on the table. She assumed that he was drunk as usual and said tersely,” Why have you come? You ruined my daughter’s life; have you come now to ruin my grand daughter’s life?”

With trembling hands, Ravi held out a bundle tied up in a dirty piece of cloth and said in a surprisingly clear and steady voice, “I will not come into her life or your life hereafter – my days on this earth are numbered as I have liver cancer. I could not have given my daughter the type of life you have given her or the type of wedding your sons are performing for her. Today you have proved that if a woman wills it she can achieve anything in life. This is the last piece of my mother’s jewellery, which she wanted her grandchild to have. Please give it to Malathi.” With that he walked out of the wedding venue without even a single backward glance. 

Sundari was stunned and could not believe her eyes, when she opened the bundle to find a pair of the traditional diamond earrings twinkling at her.

           

Graffiti – a Blight on Community

Published Under my byline MY CONCERNS in Deccan Chronicle 
                                                   (Visakhapatnam Edition) dated 16.06.2004

A stone face high on the majestic Kailasagiri range had been desecrated by graffiti, spoiling the pristine natural beauty of this serene guardian of Visakhapatnam. This is not a lone incident – temples, public gardens and all tourist spots bear mute witness to this destructive immature action of humans. Graffiti on the walls of the elegant Andhra University was an eye sore until it was cleaned up by the concerted efforts of authorities, who not only returned its original magnificence but are also endeavoring to prevent further vandalism by unsocial elements. Graffiti has become an indelible part of community living, with defacement of public property such as trains, furniture in educational institutions, monuments and other public places.

Graffiti is by no means a modern phenomena; the oldest graffiti, “ I am very impressed by Pharaoh Djoser’s pyramid,” was engraved 3500 years ago by an ancient tourist near the Sakkara pyramid.

Graffiti, a crude drawing or inscription on any hard surface, may be classified into two categories – public and latrinalia. Public graffiti are the initials, names and code names that are written, carved or spray painted on the exteriors of buildings, trees, fences, billboards and so on. These again are of three types – gang graffiti used by groups to mark territory; tagging used to gain fame and recognition and pieces (abbreviated form of masterpieces), which are considered to be artistic expressions for example the religious icons painted on walls. Latrinalia graffiti usually have a sexual connotation and are found on the walls and doors of public utilities.  

Graffiti constitutes an umbrella term for a variety of thematically (sexuality, politics, relations, school, religion and business) and formally very different manifestations. They are all tied together by the fact that they are all visually perceptible, projected onto surfaces of private or public property by groups or individuals. They are typically unasked for and often done anonymously. They may be simply scrawled with impermanent material like chalk or coal or designed, planned and executed with difficult to remove paints.

 Graffiti is not art or literature in the conventional sense of the term but it is an expression of people’s inner feelings and therefore just as expressive as and even rawer than polished works of art though some refer to it as art! There is a lot of psychology behind the image and the message so graffiti has been used as a form of psychotherapy. Psychologists in St. Joseph’s Hospital, Chicago encourage patients to write graffiti on the walls to promote communication between patients and therapists since graffiti give diagnostic insights and clues. Graffiti is the subject of intense study by several disciplines notably archaeology, sociology, environmental psychology, criminology, fine arts, anthropology and others. However, the negative societal connotation cannot be overlooked.

There can be no doubt that graffiti is a crime and an act of vandalism. It lowers property value and scares away respectable people from neighborhoods. Cleaning graffiti is not only hard work but also expensive since it can damage surfaces. Graffiti is a symbolic statement of tacky youthful rebellion and a desire to show that there are things that cannot be controlled, thus arousing fear psychosis in people.

Humans react consciously and unconsciously to the area in which they live and work.  Natural and man made environments exert a powerful effect on people’s feelings, behavior, general health issues and productivity. Litter, graffiti and other such factors can contribute to the development of sub optimal environment, which is as detrimental as other forms of environmental hazards. Family, community, schools, colleges and other social organizations have a very important role to play in this war against graffiti. Children and others who show these tendencies should be diverted into more constructive activities!

- Published in Deccan Chronicle (Visakhapatnam Edition) dated 16.06.2004

Rite of Passage

Unlike most other people I always wanted daughters. During my carefree reckless youth I used to wonder and argue endlessly with my mother and my friends as to why we have to get married to have children. The 1960s and 1970s were not ready for that type of radical ideas and both my friends and my mother naturally were aghast at such an unseemly idea. Well to cut a long story short, I did get married and I did become pregnant as per traditions and  when my elder daughter was put into my arms my joy knew no bounds. Fours years later came the next little adorable bundle and I had to be satisfied because neither my finances nor my age would permit me to have any more. Every step they took, every word they spoke, every little act of mischief filled me with happiness. Their first day in school, the prizes they received, their academic success all added to my treasure chest of bliss. 

When they were babies I felt helpless because I did not know what to make of their cries - were they hungry? Was it a pain which was causing them to cry? Was it an horrible memory of their past life that was hurting them? I would desperately wring my hands and my mother would say " Don't worry, crying will make their lungs go bigger" and I would give her a dirty look  "What a heartless mother you must have been!" 

When they went to school the first time, I nearly cried more than them. When the elder one went to school happily without a murmur, a part of me was sad and another happy. My ego was satisfied when the younger one gave trouble to go to school though it created a lot of logistic problems. 

When they were at the school age, I felt invincible. Like the little boy in the advertisement for Sundrop   they felt and said, "My Mother the bestest". My younger daughter told me the other day that once while we were travelling her slipper fell between the platform and the train and she was very sure that she would not get it but with in a few minutes I gave it to her having rescued it with the help of a beggar. In their eyes I could do everything and I was infallible. 

That too passed and when they were in teens, they were a little ashamed of their gauche mother though they were still in awe of my academic prowess and it was only as they became young adults that we became close friends and just as I had begun to enjoy this phase they are ready to spread their wings and fly away.

As the wedding of the first daughter draws near, my heart is filled with trepidation - I don't know whether I am gaining a son or losing a daughter.... This is truly a rite of passage for me. The next few years will be the litmus test of how good I have been as a mother?

Pongallo Pongal - My Experiences

The first Hindu festival of the year is Pongal variously known as Sankranti, Sukarat/Sakart, Lohri, Pous Parbon and myriads of other names is essentially a harvest festival celebrated in different ways all over   India.  This festival is of greater importance in a Tamil Household compared to Diwali or any other festival. 

My earliest memory of this festival is the "spring cleaning" of the house that used to precede the festival. Wherever we were, whether in Ambarnath, Bhilai, Visakhapatnam or Durg my mother would start the process of cleaning the house from the second day of January. Before the 1960s when the walls were usually not finished with paint, the process of whitewashing would take place during this time. To enable the whitewashing, all the household articles would be brought out into the courtyard or front yard and gone through very carefully, discarding things which were broken or not used for a long time. All the discarded items that were recyclable were given to the Kabaadiwala and broken wooden and other inflammable materials for which he had no use were piled up in one corner of  the.garden. New brooms, sieves, reed mats and others made with biodegradable materials would be bought. Once the house was spick and span, attention would be paid to buying new clothes for the family and getting them stitched in the pre-readymade era. Usually by the twelfth of January the floors in the house were covered with maakolams drawn with rice paste and the family was ready for the four day festival, which usually begins on 13th January.

On Bhogi , the first day of  the festival, we would be woken up early in the morning by 4.00 am and all the discarded articles would be piled up in the open space in front of the house and the bonfire would be lit. My mother would add old broomsticks, the sieve(bamboo sieve) and an old mat to the conflagration with the prayer that all the peedai (negativity) should be burnt up in the bhogi fire. As children we used to be given small drums, which we would bang with great gusto and dance around the fire. Almost all the South Indian homes in the area had a bonfire going in front of their houses. There would be lot of socializing as we went around visiting each other's bonfires. After that followed the process of an elaborate head bath with application of oil to every part of the body and bathing with Shikakai paste for the head and fragrant Nalangu Maavu for the body. While the others went about getting ready for their bath, the daughter of the house that is me got down to the process of drawing the kolam in front of the house. The area in front of the threshold was decorated with huge kolams. On Pongal day the kolam would have the motif of Pongal Paanai and sugar cane; on Maatu Pongal day it was an elaborate rangoli and on the last day it was the design of a chariot.  After the bath the whole family would assemble for a simple puja. In our home there would be a sumptuous lunch with payasam but not as sumptuous as the lunch the following day.

On Pongal day, we all bathed but not head bath though my mother used to have a head bath on that day too before starting the cooking. After lighting the lamp in the puja room, my mother would apply three horizontal stripes of vibhudi on the four sides of the Pongal Paanai (usually made of bronze) and apply a kumkum tikka to the middle stripe  on all four sides. She would then tie a fresh turmeric stalk with the fresh turmeric rhizome still attached to it around the rim of the paanai (see picture above) and put it on the stove to make the pongal with rice, green gram dhal, milk and jaggery. When the milk reaches boiling point, it foams up and all the family members would shout in unison "Pongalo Pongal" ( May Prosperity overflow). With that the men went to their preoccupations while the women  cooked a sumptuous lunch - rice, dal, sambhar, rasam, vegetable kootu, one poriyal, one varul, sweet patchadi, raita, thohiyal, appalam, vadaam, vadai, payasam, curd and of course the chakra pongal. All the items prepared for lunch  would be served on a banana leaf in front of the family deities in the puja room. There would of course be betel leaves with nuts, sugar cane and other fruits. Aarti was performed before the deities in the pooja room as well as to the Sun since this is His special pooja. All family members would once again chant Pongallo Pongal thrice. After the puja, all the youngsters would prostate themselves before the elders and take their blessings. Usually the elders would give them a small amount of money. Mother would then take a little bit of all the items prepared, mix it and place it outside on the compound wall calling out "Kaa Kaa" - an invitation to the crows to come and feed as it is believed that our ancestors come as crow to feed on the prasad on festival days. The family would sit down to the meal served on banana leaves. In the evening, mother would wear her new sari and we would go visiting other households to receive manjal kum kum from other homemakers. My mother did not give out manjal kumkum like others because it was not a practice in her mother-in-law's house. 

The third day was Maattu Pongal and that is when we got our non-vegetarian treat. Usually on this day at least two varieties of non-veg items would be prepared. Since we were not a farming family this day had no other significance but as a child I remember that cattle used  to be decorated beautifully and paraded around the streets of Saidapet in Chennai. They would usually be accompanied by drum beats and pipes.
The fourth day known as Kaanum Pongal is reserved for site seeing. People will go visiting their relatives or to the beach, zoo or other such spots.

Having lived in the North always, Pongal in our family was a mongrel tradition with us doing what we can in a place far away from the native place where traditions are more strict and customs more meticulously followed. However mongrel it may have been we enjoyed this festival very much!

Loving Appreciation of Annapurna - Friend, philosopher and guide to our family. The Krishnamurthys & The Kannans

Ode to the Bangle Sellers (A Vanishing Tribe)

                                        “ Bangle sellers are we who bear
                                           Our shining loads to the temple fair...
                                           Who will buy these delicate, bright
                                           Rainbow-tinted circles of light?
                                           Lustrous tokens of radiant lives,
                                           For happy daughters and happy wives.”

                                                                                      Sarojini Naidu

As a child this poem came alive before my eyes whenever I saw the Bangle Seller, who used to peddle his colourful ware on the streets of our neighborhood. He carried them on a  rectangular wooden frame, arranged according to colour. The dazzling reds, greens, and all the other vibrant colours used to sparkle under the noon sunlight. My mother and her friends having finished their cooking would sit down to bargain for those lovely bangles which always adorned their wrists – a symbol of their married status. These bangle sellers used to have the gift of gab and used to convince them to buy the bangles with exotic names like Pakeezah, Anarkali and others. The Bangle Sellers were not just salesmen of a merchandise – they participated in the rites of passage like menarche, wedding and the numerous festivals and also acted sometimes as matchmakers.  The bangles they sold were not very expensive and needed to be replaced frequently because these women did all the housework themselves, so accidents were bound to happen and bangles had to be replaced.

Glass bangles brought not only beauty but also music to the house – the tinkle changed as the women went about their daily task sweeping, grinding, dressing up – each activity producing a different type of music and reassuring the children and others of the security that these hands provided. They encouraged creativity, with children using the broken bangle pieces to create indigenous games; to make chains to decorate the homes and make wall hangings – the scope was infinite.

The advent of the Plastic age dealt a death knell to these lovely glass bangles and slowly the bangle seller could not make his regular trips since replacements were not so frequent.  Slowly the bangle seller vanished from the urban streets and the bangles were dressed up in tissue paper and imprisoned in small cardboard boxes on the shelves of the so called “Ladies Shops” at atrocious rates. The dazzle and sparkle of the bangles have been dimmed since they are no longer on display in the open natural light, glinting at women with wicked glee and seducing them with their lustrous charm.

 There is no doubt that a wide variety of bangles is now available in the market and crafted beautifully from a vast variety of materials but they cannot hold a candle to the glass bangles  described by the Nightingale of India Sarojini Naidu 

   “Some ….Silver and blue as the mountain mist,
      Some .. flushed like the buds that dream on the tranquil brow of a woodland stream,
         Some .. aglow with the bloom that cleaves to the limpid glory of new born leaves
             Some …like fields of sunlit corn,
                  Some.. like the flame of .. marriage fire,
                      Or, rich with the hue of her heart's desire”
 

and it is not just wishful thinking that makes me say so...  My salutations to the few Bangle Sellers, who still adorn with their twinkling ware the shandies and fairs of the rural-scape of India.

Lighting a Lamp

Just as the greatest charm of Diwali are the rows of earthen diyas used to decorate homes so also a lamp lit with loving care is the greatest add-on to the spiritual vibes of a Worship Centre. The spiritual energy present in the Universe is literally harnessed by  the flame of the lamp. There are very many reasons for lighting a lamp according to religious texts but for me it is the means of disciplining oneself to perform it with regularity. It is the simplest of all spiritual practices.
While selecting a lamp, choose one that is easy to maintain and at the same time functionally beautiful. It may be of  any material except iron and iron related alloys like stainless steel, white metal etc. Usually brass, bronze, copper, silver and other similar materials are used to design the lamp. It may be plain edged or with five spouts to hold the wick in place.It is advisable to place the lamp on a plate of appropriate size to avoid oil drips that may add to the cleaning task. It goes without saying that this plate should be of the same metal as the lamp.
The oil, the material of the wick, the direction in which it is placed as also the number of jyothis affect our lives variously.
Oils - The simplest rule to remember is avoid groundnut oil since it is not beneficial to the family and  to use Gingelly or til oil which is easily available and suitable for all Gods.
Wicks - Though a variety of wicks made from a variety of materials like banana fibre, lotus stem fibre and cloth torn from different colored fabrics may be used the easiest and best are Cotton wicks which confer all variety of benefits. Twist together two wicks and light it as one jyoth  everyday worship.
Flame of the lamp should face ideally east or north but definitely never south.

Discipline yourself to light the lamp everyday (ideally twice a day) after your bath in the morning and at twilight in the evening. Say a prayer or just meditate on the flame for a minute or two.  When you are leaving the room or after a little while put the light off by pulling the wick into the oil or snuff it out using a flower.

If you do this for 21 days continuously, it will become a habit (as will any action of yours) and you will enjoy a lot of peace in your life. It will become a quiet time for yourself alone.  Continue to practice this small ritual of lighting a lamp until you are able to -
"Let your light shine. Be a source of strength and courage. Share your wisdom and Radiate love."                                                                              Wilferd Peterson
 


             


             

Worship Centre in your Living Space

When one considers the major religions of India like Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism, a very striking difference may be observed. While Muslim children are trained in their religious rituals by Madrassas and the Christian children are initiated into the necessary understanding of their religion by Sunday Schools and Catechism classes, there is no such agency for Hindu children. The children just imbibe and absorb Hinduism – its teachings as well as practice by following what their parents and other relatives do in homes. If these elders in the family are agnostic (non-believers of rituals) they have no role model and their understanding of the religion as well as its practices is sketchy at best.

As I entered the sixth decade of my life, I realized that my children have very vague and ambiguous ideas of what it is to be a Hindu and very hazy concept of even the minimum rituals required of a Hindu especially the women. This dismal state of affairs was partly due to my preoccupation with my profession and partly due to their absence from home during the crucial years of adolescence. This may be the case in many other Hindu families belonging to the present generation. It is true that a sea of information is available on the World Wide Web but very few have the patience to wade through the sea to find the pearls. So the next few items in this blog will be on the basic practices of Hinduism as perceived by me a Tamil, non-Brahmin who grew up in the North. I will refer some literature and try to present information – some of it may be a repeat from other sites but most of it from my personal knowledge gleaned from my mother, aunts and other women who were more pious than me. I will start with an important practice followed in most Hindu families all over India – Setting up a Worship Corner / room referred to in most languages as the Puja room.

It is very necessary to set aside a special area for worship in the home so that it becomes a centre of tranquility in times of stress or when one wants to be at peace. To those who say God is everywhere why do we need a special place, I would like to repeat what one Swamiji said about temple. He said “Air is everywhere but why do we go near a fan? Because the air near the fan is more intense and has a more relaxing effect.” So  though God may be everywhere in your house, create a centre where you can perceive and feel the spiritual energy better in order to experience rejuvenation of mind and spirit. A worship centre will help you to get charged with positive vibrations that will energize your body, mind, soul and the environment. Your work efficiency will increase leading to peace, progress and prosperity.

According to your capacity and capability, the Worship centre may be as small as  an image of Om on the wall; just a table mat with a lamp on it ; a small shelf with  an image of your favorite deity and a lamp or an elaborate room with all the paraphernalia needed for Hindu worship.

Worship centers located in North-east are excellent for getting peace of mind and prosperity in life; North and East quadrants also provide good results but the   South and South-west locations should be strictly avoided since they are harmful. Facing East or North while praying, is beneficial.

The basic requirements of a Worship centre is an icon (of your choice but do not clutter up with too many), a small lamp (of brass, bronze, bell metal or silver and avoid iron/stainless steel) and an incense stick holder. For other details and tips on setting up this corner you can surf the net for more information. I do not want to repeat it here. My objective is only to inspire you to set up a worship corner if you do not have one.

Make the corner as aesthetically pleasing as you can so that you are drawn to go near it regularly. Clean it regularly and change the decorations from time to time. Spend at least five minutes in this centre regularly in the morning before leaving for work and in the evening at dusk  to pray, meditate or just remain still and feel the presence of the Supreme Being.

   

Entrance Examination - A Rite of Passage

From Kapil Sibal, our honorable HRD minister to the kitchen maid everyone is worried about the students appearing for entrance examinations to professional courses. The society is worried that these students are stressed out unnecessarily because they have to appear for a multitude of entrance examinations.

            It is true that students passing out of XII class have to appear for a variety of entrance examinations – a minimum of three. Not only does this involve expenditure of energy but also money and time. It often involves long distance journeys and staying over.  There is a lot of tension but what is life without some stress, which can make or break an individual. Just as gold has to face high temperatures to be fashioned into exquisite jewellery; wood to face the unkind cuts of the saw by the carpenter and the stone the blows of the sculptor to emerge as a striking statue so also humans have to go through the fires of entrance examinations to succeed in life. This is a common practice all over the World and not restricted to our country only. The UMAT and GAT of Australia; NCET of China; NCT of Japan, USE of Russia, HAT, GMSAT and others of UK as also SAT and others in US impose the same stress on their teenagers leaving High School but no one gets as worked up about it as do Indians and the Indian Government.

            Parents have to realize that these examinations are like rites of passage in the olden days. In the past people while moving from adolescence to adulthood had to prove their physical strength and stamina by going through the rites of passage. In the modern World these examinations are being used to prove the mental ability of the youth to face the problems of the professional World. It is inevitable. The mother bears the pains of a child entering the World but the pains of the entering the professional World has to be borne by them. Just as the mother cannot be spared the delivery pains these children cannot be rescued from the entrance examination pains. What is needed is the right attitude – it should be faced a challenge and not as a drudgery or a punishment. The children have to be trained from childhood to acquire the right attitude towards these examinations so that they enjoy it and not dread it.
            Remember that in life stress is unavoidable whether one wants to enter professional course or otherwise. What matters is the way we handle it. The same can assume a positive force and become Eustress or a negative force and cause Distress. It is up to you as a parent and as a student how you manage it! 

Draupadi Hairstyle

Leaving hair loose, cascading down one's back is the in fashion for young girls of today. Every movie, every soap opera, every visual advertisement shows girls/women with  hair undone flowing down the back to different levels. It does not matter what activity the woman is involved in - cooking, attending a patient, playing with a baby, riding a two wheeler, running towards a lover or away from a villain - her long hair streams behind her like a flag and in some cases like a long banner. It does not matter whether the girl is a school-going child, an adolescent or adult the hair is always let down and it is only the "aunties" (an epithet for older women) who put up their hair in a knot usually a tight knot with not a tendril escaping from the demure coiffure. Oh! yes even widows are depicted with their hair in a knot preferably at the nape!

In the earlier days before the 1990s, it was considered inauspicious for women to let their hair loose. When young it was braided into two pigtails and tied up in a loop with a ribbon at the end of it, as one entered adolescence in most South Indian states, the twin pigtails were replaced by a single plait though Maharashtrians continued to spot two plaits even when they were older (Remember Lata Mangeshkar). Of course these plaits exhibited a lot of ingenuity - braided to resemble the kewra leaf, four stranded plaits, the French plait and of course the quintessential flowers being braided in for special occasions. 

Hair was never to be left loose since it was associated with Draupadi's vow in Mahabharatha. While Draupadi was being dragged by Dushasana to the court, where Yudhistra had lost her in the game of dice, her hair got undone and she vowed that she would not comb her hair and dress it only after  Dushasana's death when she could anoint it with his blood. Due to this tale in most South Indians it is considered inauspicious to leave the hair loose. Even after a head bath mothers used to dry the hair quickly using fragrant incense fumes and tie a small knot at the end of the hair.

When I first started my career as a lecturer in a missionary college, my Head of the Department warned me that if "your hair grows below your shoulder you have to knot it up". There was a reason for this rule - not only does long hair interfere with one's work, it is also uncomfortable in the hot tropical weather. Loose cascading hairstyle for a cook may result in contamination of food with hair, which would definitely be unhygienic as well as unappetizing.   Long hair left loose can also pose a risk as happened to my friend's daughter. She had gone to the Puja Pandal and during  Aarti her hair caught fire and not only did she lose a lot of hair but it was also considered a very bad omen and the family had to perform several rituals to appease the malignant spirits!

It is not to suggest that the elaborate coiffures of the past have to be followed but definitely there is a need to style one's hair according to one's task requirement. I am not against "letting one's hair down" to relax but that should be restricted to parties and other social events. Women should learn to be sensible and not follow fashion blindly.