Do you show your appreciation?

An article by Ms Bharathi Bhaskar in the Tamil fortnightly Aval Vikatan set me thinking. She says that appreciation for women's achievements is rarely forthcoming. She avers that people around a woman tend to take her for granted and do not take the trouble to express their appreciation of her qualities.
At first I tended to dismiss the idea thinking - "What nonsense! We have too many people trying to flatter us and what is this lady saying?" But further thinking and analysis of the experiences of various people made me realize that not only women even men often go unappreciated and their valuable actions do go unheeded and unrecognized.
The recipes prepared with so much care by the homemaker, the tidiness of the house maintained by the daughter, the sacrifices made by the elder brother to look after the family after the demise of the father, the teenager's 95% in his /her examinations, the mother-in-law babysitting so that the son and bahu can go for a movie and so on the list is endless.
We rarely take time to compliment and recognize the little acts of kindness that people around us are performing all the time. Many of our spiritual literature urges us to live an 'attitude of gratitude' - to be thankful for every blessing that we receive. This also means that we express our gratitude by expressing our appreciation of the people who make value additions to our life.
Take time to appreciate everyone from the watchman in your apartment complex to the top executive in your office and see the difference. Shakespeare has said that the quality of mercy ... 'blesseth him that gives and him that takes" - the same thing applies to compliments too - it makes the person, who receives it, feel cherished and it makes you happy when you see the pleasure on someone's face. Smile at the waiter who serves you tea, thank your spouse for being supportive, praise your little son/daughter who tries to help you in their own way, show your appreciation and endorse the many acts of loving kindness that you encounter everyday.
You will find that you add a ray of sunshine to someone's life while experiencing a warm glow in your heart!

Seasons of Friendship

Tribute to My Friend Pramila
When I entered Timpany School, Visakhapatnam to start IX grade, I did not know what friendship was. It may sound strange but from nursery class to VIII grade I had been shifted from school to school seven times due to my father’s employment and in no school did I have the leisure to move from acquaintance to friendship with any individual.

The first day in Timpany when I saw elegant, smartly dressed Pramila (even the uniform took on a special grace on her), I could only gape at her as a creature who had descended from outer space. Of course the class boasted of the glamorous Shagarika Lahiri (who later became a model for Ponds) but it was Pramila S David, with her gentleness and affection, who walked into my heart and at that time in life, I did not even imagine that we would travel such a long way together (four more years to celebrate the Golden Jubilee).

Pramila, from a strict orthodox Protestant Christian family with a charming mother, handsome father and seven siblings, filled me with envy and later as we became closer taught me the household discipline. Her mother’s strict apportioning of household work among the children and her father’s prayerfulness were like a real life enactment of “Little Women” by Louisa M Alcott. Her keen intellect, quick grasp of facts, dainty neatness, her unstinting loyalty to family and friends alike, observance of Sunday Sabbath even before an examination, her ready wit, her willingness to help, meticulous attention to detail and her keen intellect have amazed me at every juncture of my life. It is unbelievable that in these long years of association we have never had a single difference of opinion nor have we squabbled even once - my daughters of course are convinced that it is due to her Virgoan trait.

We travelled from school to St. Joseph's College for Women, where for three years we were inseparables with most of my weekends (as a hostelite) spent in her warm home. After graduation we parted to continue our postgraduation - she in Andhra University and I in SV University but we caught up with each other again when I joined St. Joseph's as a lecturer. Her tenure in AU and mine in SJC kept us in touch with each other continuously personally as well as professionally. She helped me to complete my M.Phil and my PhD while I was the proud teacher of her eldest daughter Sudipta who is my protege of sorts. Dr V.S.Bose her husband and Mr Krishnamurthy, my ever-suffering husband also became friends and the bonds (we like to think fondly) has been carried over to our children.

She has been my guide (personally as well professionally), advisor, philosopher, confidante, a shoulder to cry on, sounding board and much more than what words can describe. I am indeed grateful to God for a friend like Pramila whose description can be completed only by quoting the bible-

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.…Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come… She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised." - Proverbs 31:10-31 (King James Version)

Decorated Thresholds

In the past and may be even now in some of the villages and smaller towns of South India, women folk were in the habit of decorating the door posts of the entrance totheir houses with a great deal of creativity and aesthetic.

On the eve of any festival as also on every wednesday or thursday, the women of the household would apply turmeric paste to the cleaned lower foot or so of the door post on either side of the entrance. This would form a background on which intricate designs were drawn using rice flour and kumkum. The designs and motifs were highly symbolic and each family would have a special one. The turmeric may have helped to prevent attack of the wood by pests like termite, while the design themselves were like lamp posts identifying the family residing therein. Other women who came to invite them for religious functions would put the kumkum mark on the door post design if the mistress was not available in the home when they came to invite her. The top portion of the door post would be decorated with mango leaves as also flowers to give a festive look while doing their bit to purify the air within the house by the process of transpiration.

With change in occupation of the women as well as due to urbanisation door posts are now decorated with paint and the lintels with plastic flowers. Those of the younger generation are hardly aware of this custom and even if they are aware they do not know the traditional design that hall marked their family once upon a time.

Vegetables on a Palette for the Cook!

The lovely orange of the carrots, the various shades of green leafy vegetables, the creamy white of cauliflower, the brown fpotatoes, the red white radishes - all provide a lovely palette for the creative cook to unleash his/her talents to tantalise and titillate the taste buds of near and dear ones. The Indian markets during the winter months provide every man and woman with such a variety of colours, texture and taste from the garden that one does not even miss the meats, fish and eggs. Crunchy cucumbers, captivating capsicums, luscious tomatoes, and other variety of vegetables that flood the market during this season seduce even the worst cooks in the world to try their hands on culinary creations. Maybe it is this lovely spectrum of vegetables available inspired our ancestors to prescribe a vegetarian diet during this period of cold months. Every state of this wonderful country has its own special vegetabular recipes to seduce even the diehard non-vegetarians. Who can resist the Guthu vanakai of Andhra, the avial of Kerala, the usli of Tamilnadu - oh! the list is endless! So get to and enjoy all the vegetables which provide a feast not only to your stomach but also your eyes!

Creative Season for the Artistic South Indian Women

The month of Margazhi, according to the Tamil calender, beginning next week that is on 15 December, heralds another season of unbridled artistry decorating the roads of South India. During this month the South Indian Women become obsessed with the decorative craft Rangoli as it is known in many parts of India. It is known as kolam in Tamilnadu, Muggulu in Andhra P, Rangavalli in Karnataka, Poovidal or pookolam in Kerala, Chowkpurana in Uttar Pradesh, Madana in Rajasthan, Aripana in Bihar and Alpana in Bengal. Though the thresholds of South Indian homes is decorated with kolam every morning during the cold months of December/January it assumes another dimension. Young girls vie with each other to decorate threshold of their house with larger and more intricate designs. It is said that the atmosphere is laden with ozone during the predawn period especially so during the winter months. So to make full use of it our ancestors stipulated that womenfolk should draw kolams before sunrise while menfolk should perform nagarasankeertanam. May be it was a ploy to make people get up early during the cold months of the year. Even today this custom persists in the towns and cities of South India though the latter is not as popular as the former. After all women have always been the keeper of customs and traditions!
Though the process of kolam may seem to be tiring and a waste of time, it does confer some benefits on the follower of this art. For onew thing women are supposed to bend and draw the kolams so it becomes a good exercise which strengthens the uterus and helps the kundalini shakthi. The movements of the hands and body contribute to physical fitness and the act of drawing improves creativity and aesthetic sense. Cowdung used to level the ground acts as a disinfectant and the women get a chance to come out of the house and meet others.
According to Shastras, these kolams are to be used to decorate the front yard, the steps, verandahs, cowshed, Thulasi pot, pooja room, wedding mandap, vessel in which pongal is cooked and at any place where auspicious events are taking place. nKarnataka these designs are used to decorate the dining area and the area in front of the bride and groom is specially decorated.
Kolam is normally drawn with rice flour but and to increase its longevity rice flour paste is used traditionally. Modern times however has led to the usage of white paint, chalk piece and other materials according to the convenience and availability.
There are some dos and donts for this art as for any art. The kolam should be drawn facing east and never facing south. The drawing should be made with the right hand only and it should not be drawn squatting on the ground but by bending at the waist. The dots for the kolam should be placed from bottom up as if climbing a ladder and lines should also be drawn with upward strokes. The motifs should be drawn from right to left and not vice versa.
The designs in front of a house can easily be used to jusdge the homemaker in that house. A carelesslly drawn design indicates the careless attitude of the homemaker; naturalistic designs with birds and animals indicates the love of nature; Stereotype designs as drawn by servants indicates the hurried lifestyle while kolams with well placed dots, straight lines and beautiful motifs indicates that the homemaker is not only artistic, creative and sensitive but also that she is good in mathematics.
Happy drawing season!

Unseasonal Mango Season

As we were sweltering in the heat of summer (unusually hot for Vizag) I decided that it was time to drown my sorrow in (not a bottle of beer) but in a tall glass of mango milk shake or lassi! Off to the market went this little piggie and groaning at the high cost of mangoes bought two golden orbs!
Mangoes, the king of fruits with so many legends, so many rituals and so much of sentimentality are the best part of Indian summer and the greatest solace for Indians broiling in the tropical heat. Everyone waits for the first mango of the season and some are sentimental about whom they receive it from. The first mangoes bought by the family are offered to God and only then partaken in some communities. All parts of the mango were immortalised in literature and fine arts: the shape of mango - the famous paisley design known as Kairy in India has spread far and wide in textiles from all parts of the world - the colour of mango reproduced in silk formed an important part of the trousseau of the young South Indian bride and there are innumerable folk tales about the incomparable fruit. Even the famous apple which is supposed to "keep the doctor away" pales into insignificance besides the mango!
With all these thoughts racing through my head, I brought my mangoes home and very lovingly as prescribed by my grandma soaked it in water for two hours, wiped it, peeled it, very delicately chopped a piece of it, closed my eyes and full of expectations placed it in my mouth ! u...! I spat out the mango I had eaten with so much of anitcipation. It tasted like a piece of gourd or vegetable - absolutely bland - neither sweet nor sour! I looked at the fruit in utter disbelief, wondered whether something was wrong with my tongue . As I was peering at the mango suspiciously in walked my servant and with a knowing smile told me " Mangoes are not good this season - they are doing something to ripen them fast and that has destroyed all the taste!" I looked at her in surprise and wondered at her wisdom and awareness but my mango season was ruined for good! Like the burnt child I dread the golden fruit!

Unseasonal Rains!

These days seasons love to tease us - it rains in winter and does not rain during rainy season. It is as if weather likes to say I will not be predictable since you are not predictable. Rain after the hot dry and dusty summer months is a welcome relief and is welcomed with open hands(literally) because it washes the whole landscape (be it rural or urban) clean and leaves it glistening and shiny; unseasonal rain in winter on the other hand seems to make the surroundings grimier and duller. The coolness of the rain is most unwelcome post winter. It was very befuddling to see displays of raincoats and umbrellas in shop windows - for a moment one had to think and decide which month one is in since this type of display is usually associated with July-August. The weatherman says that depression in th ebay is responsible for the rains but how was the depression caused in the bay - no one is able to answer. May be nature is becoming depressed at the antics of mankind! Anyway let us hope that weather won't continue to be capricious but revert back to its banal, boring self so that we may not be surprised with snow in summer and dry sandy storms in winter!

Festival Season!

In India there are festivals galore and we take every opportunity to celebrate the joy of leaving and make it an excuse to renew bonds of kinship and friendship! Starting from Ganesh puja in Aug/Sept to Diwali in Oct/November the Hindu calender offers Indians ample opportunities to celebrate joyously in the latter half of the year while Sankranti in January to Baisakhi in April provides that opportunity in the first half of the calender.
To the secular minded other opportunities come in the form of Ramzan, Easter, Christmas etc so there is really speaking no lack of excuse to "freak out".
These festivals give us an occasion not only to celebrate but also an excuse to indulge our culinary and aesthetic appetites! While some get joy by cooking the special mouthwatering recipes; some create beauty for themselves and others; and some go into spiritual ecstasies performing the religious rites and rituals associated with the festivals!
Festivals are time for caring, sharing and helping one another. Let us enjoy it in the true spirit whatever be the festival!

Magical May Flowers

Summer in India heralds among other things these dainty orange flowers which replace the leafy canopy of the tree and make it appear to be a torch of glory - Gulmohar or May flowers rightly called Flame of the forest delight the heart and soul with its vibrant presence! Many roads and avenues have been planted with these trees by our forefathers so that it may provide a feast for the eyes and senses. I understand the many avenues in Bangalore lined with these trees though I have not had the fortune to see it. Just as the Japanese have cherry blossom viewing we in India should have a gulmohar viewing as a tourist attraction!

Children love to pick up the sepals of these flowers and use it as false nail or should we say green claws. The pods of the flower in dropping from the tree in course of time provide another toy in the form of a sword for wild battles that turn them into kings and princes! Simple pleasures given by God to us. let us enjoy and not lose them in the altar of urbanisation and industrialisation! Let us replant those trees which have been vandalised by various agencies!

The heat of summer and the fragrance of jasmines are inextricably intermingled in the minds of all Indians. In fact it may be said that the smell of jasmine heralds the beginning of summer in the Indian subcontinent! The white flower in myriads of shapes from the tubular form to the globular form braided into garlands and circlets begin to adorn the hair of damsels by the end of February. Jasmine has a special place of honour in Art, Literature, and even in folk songs, tales and legends. To the Chinese it is a symbol of feminine sweetness and beauty and everyone will agree that it communicates deep affection, happiness and elegance.From February to July no decoration, no wedding and no function is complete without the aromatic jasmine. This "Raat Ki Rani" as it is called is an aphrosidiac stimulating many a romantic liasion. Yet this same flower has medicinal properties which many are not aware of...

The flower contains salicylic acid, linalool and other alkaloids which ae responsible for its healing properties. Jasmine may be used as tea, herbal baths, skin creams, soaps and as a potpourri. It is useful in the treatment of many disorders related to the female reproductive system - relieves uterine cramps, reduces pain during childbirth and alleviates the distress caused by PreMenstrual Syndrome. It calms the nerves, soothes and relieves tension headaches, has strong antibacterial, antiviral, and anti tumoral properties. Jasmine helps to treat inflammed eyes, as a gargle to soothe sore throat and mouth ulcers.

Jasmine by any name will not only smell as sweet but will have all the healing powers too so do not look at it as only a decoration!

Farewell Gestures - An Inevitable Part of Seasons

As the train waited on the platform restless to begin its journey; passengers were hurrying to get into their compartments – some looked happy because they were travelling to their loved ones while others were sad at the imminent separation. The bitter sobs and tearful goodbyes of the two teenage girls, travelling with their mother, while taking leave of their aunt after their summer vacations touched a nostalgic chord in the hearts of most onlookers since emotional goodbyes accompanied by tears have become a rare phenomenon in today's World.

Leave-taking while setting out on a journey is only one of the many that we encounter through out our life. The earliest of these departures occurs when a child enters the nursery school, bidding farewell to infancy, to the mother and to the safe cocoon that encased him/her in love and affection. That leave-taking is marked by howls and tantrums on the part of the child and a heavy heart and may be even hot tears for the mother.Between this entry into the school and departure from it are several other separations and partings – some of short duration, some long, some temporary and some permanent. As one moves up from class to class, favorite teachers have to be left behind, friends move away from one’s life either to other schools or to other towns or just drift away – each leave-taking is marked by heart break and a sense of desolation.Farewell parties in schools, colleges, educational institutions and offices are usually emotional because it is a progress from known to unknown, from familiar to unknown.

From teenage to marriage every person experiences affairs of the heart – some expressed while others remain unarticulated. Each of these dalliances has to end until the “one and only one” is identified and linked up with. Each severance is, however heartrending.The most poignant moment of leave-taking for a woman is on the occasion of her departure from her parent’s home – for her it symbolizes the severing of links with her ancestral lineage and allegiance in one stroke. The Bidaai is an integral part of the wedding rituals of all North Indian weddings whether it be the Kashmiri Shia Muslim or North Indian Protestant or the Bengali Brahmin. Songs, on screen and off, highlight the pathos and sensitivity of the moment.

Of course the most painful of all is the final leave-taking when our loved ones depart from this earth and we have to “let go”.Each culture has developed its own methods to help people cope with the sorrow caused by the separation from loved ones. Rituals associated with farewell are important because they strengthen the bonds of love and loyalty between individuals. They provide pleasant memories to which one may return when one is sad and depressed.

A simple velosthanandi, touching the feet of elders as a mark of respect, an affectionate hug for the youngsters a patting of the head, putting a tilak on the forehead or any other special gesture that a family may have developed helps people to reiterate their commitment to each other when separation is imminent for a short or long time and helps to strengthen the bonds of kinship or friendship.It helps one to reiaffirm the message popularised by Bollywood "Kabhi Alvida Naa Kahana"!