In the olden days were independent houses with a garden around it in which would be found a lawn, a swing and of course a profusion of flower beds and the whole would be surrounded by a compound wall. This compound wall while being high on the outer perimeter would be a low one between the houses and would be the meeting point for the housewives in the adjoining houses. These walls did not divide people but helped in bonding them.
Very often the women from neighboring houses would cross over from their houses to a common spot and it would become a meeting venue for the housewives, whose husbands had gone to their work spots and children to schools or colleges. After completing the morning chores the homemakers would congregate to this compound wall and engage in animated conversation or some combined projects like knitting or other crafts especially during the winter months when the pleasant sun provided a warm ambiance. Younger women would learn from the older - these sessions were a good chance for counseling, teaching as well as gossiping. It lead to bonding between the women and strengthened the network of support so essential in an urban setting.
The present day scenario with stacks of flats provides ample opportunities by way of common corridors, balconies and others but sadly women hardly have the time to linger and enjoy each others company. They are either employed or if unemployed busy with the thousand and one errands so much a part of modern urban life.
Oh for a return of those days and sessions at the compound wall!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Monday, October 31, 2011
Communication in the Family - II - Relational Names
My mother, used to being addressed as Didi , Mausi, Peddamma, Kaaki and even the generic "Aunty" of the present day, was aghast when she reached US because no one younger than her had dared to call her by the first name until she reached Boston.
Everyone who has been abroad will attest to the fact that people address each other by the first name once they have crossed the formal stage of relations. Slowly we Indians have begun to imbibe this practice. In the past the husbands were always referred to by wives as "munni ke pithaji" or "avanga'' ; elder brothers were referred to as Bhaiyya or its variation in North and Anna in South while younger brothers were referred to as bhai or thambi respectively. The first name may be attached to the honorific title and someone may be referred to as Raju bhaiyya or Sonu Bhai. These titles were available for every relationship in the family and elders in the family used to insist on their being used. A little sister calling her elder brother by first name can surely not have as much respect for him as when she is trained to call him Bhaiyya and the very title implies a privilege and a responsibility. In our country we were trained to address even our servants by titles like Maasi, Kaka and so on and taught to respect them for their age and experience.
Unfortunately the dropping of these titles in our daily conversation slowly erodes the respect due to elders in our communication. Children should therefore be trained from childhood to address each other by honorific titles in order to help them understand the limits of etiquette in communication. Once these respectful titles are used, communication will automatically improve. A husband who is called by his first name by his wife may be easily bullied by her as shown in the Reliance advertisement. The title alerts both 'caller' and the 'called' about their role and responsibility in the communication process.
So let us revive the tradition of addressing each other by the honorific family titles to improve bonding and communication in the family.
Everyone who has been abroad will attest to the fact that people address each other by the first name once they have crossed the formal stage of relations. Slowly we Indians have begun to imbibe this practice. In the past the husbands were always referred to by wives as "munni ke pithaji" or "avanga'' ; elder brothers were referred to as Bhaiyya or its variation in North and Anna in South while younger brothers were referred to as bhai or thambi respectively. The first name may be attached to the honorific title and someone may be referred to as Raju bhaiyya or Sonu Bhai. These titles were available for every relationship in the family and elders in the family used to insist on their being used. A little sister calling her elder brother by first name can surely not have as much respect for him as when she is trained to call him Bhaiyya and the very title implies a privilege and a responsibility. In our country we were trained to address even our servants by titles like Maasi, Kaka and so on and taught to respect them for their age and experience.
Unfortunately the dropping of these titles in our daily conversation slowly erodes the respect due to elders in our communication. Children should therefore be trained from childhood to address each other by honorific titles in order to help them understand the limits of etiquette in communication. Once these respectful titles are used, communication will automatically improve. A husband who is called by his first name by his wife may be easily bullied by her as shown in the Reliance advertisement. The title alerts both 'caller' and the 'called' about their role and responsibility in the communication process.
So let us revive the tradition of addressing each other by the honorific family titles to improve bonding and communication in the family.
Communication in the Family - I
We live in Information Age and communication is the moola mantra of relations with others in public life. Everyone from the chaaywala on the pavements to the CEO of the Corporate Organization works hard to improve their communication skills but forget all those tips and techniques when they enter their homes. Why does this happen?
Every one of us has a 'private face' that we wear at home and a 'public face' that we wear outside the home.We take it as our birth right and prerogative to behave “naturally” and not"hypocritically" when at home. We rarely stop to think about how this affects the family members and our relationship with them.
Relationships in the family are the most important bond in one's life. They provide meaning to our life and inspire us to reach higher levels of personal and professional success. Family members of all generations support us and help us to move forward and onwards. They protect us from loneliness and provide an oasis where we can be ourselves. "Being ourselves" does not mean that we show only our negative side. Effective Communication skills help to lubricate relationships and strengthen them while poor communication hurts people and breaks relationships isolating individuals.
The first step to improved communication in the family is to show that we are concerned about our family members. Here are a few tips to improve communication in the family.
The first step to improved communication in the family is to show that we are concerned about our family members. Here are a few tips to improve communication in the family.
- Address each other by relational titles like anna, bhaiyya etc.
- Cultivate patience and tranquility
- Yield when someone is angry
- Exhibit pleasant behaviour and personality
- Trust each other
- Co-operate with all family members
- Demonstrate empathy for each other
- Avoid retaliation when someone blames wrongly
- Avoid nagging
- Accede to elders and men
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Complaints about Complaining
"Namaskar! Bharathiya Rail ki Pooch-taach seva meh appaka swagath hai!
Welcome to Indian Railways Inquiry System!
Hindi meh jaankari ke liyw ek dabaye; for English press 2; veru mozhiguluku mundrai azhuthungal; telugu kosam rendu nokkandi
For information regarding PNR number press one-for arrival/departure press two - for seat availability press three - for information regarding charges press four........"Whenever one rings up an organization for assistance whether it be for information or complain or any other reason one has to go through this rigmarole of listening carefully and pressing one or the other button according to instruction from a mechanical voice - usually female. If you manage to go through the whole series of listening and pressing the button you are still liable to reach another mechanical voice with a fresh set of directives. Most often you may reach a stage where your particular problem does not fit in their set of options and then you have to start all over again. This is if your phone is a good one with new press buttons that listen to you and obey you as you obey the instructions meticulously. If the instrument is an old one (as is mine) the chances are that the phone will refuse to cooperate with you and you have to start "at the very beginning, a very good place to start". I shudder when I have to use this system and try to avoid it as much as possible.
When I was growing up there was always an operator (usually female) at the end of the line who would address your problem instantly. This tribe of operators were usually very helpful and would even lend a shoulder to cry on if the problem merited it. I salute that tribe of operators and wish they were back - I am sure they will wave the magic wand and set things right at the blink of the eye!
Welcome to Indian Railways Inquiry System!
Hindi meh jaankari ke liyw ek dabaye; for English press 2; veru mozhiguluku mundrai azhuthungal; telugu kosam rendu nokkandi
For information regarding PNR number press one-for arrival/departure press two - for seat availability press three - for information regarding charges press four........"Whenever one rings up an organization for assistance whether it be for information or complain or any other reason one has to go through this rigmarole of listening carefully and pressing one or the other button according to instruction from a mechanical voice - usually female. If you manage to go through the whole series of listening and pressing the button you are still liable to reach another mechanical voice with a fresh set of directives. Most often you may reach a stage where your particular problem does not fit in their set of options and then you have to start all over again. This is if your phone is a good one with new press buttons that listen to you and obey you as you obey the instructions meticulously. If the instrument is an old one (as is mine) the chances are that the phone will refuse to cooperate with you and you have to start "at the very beginning, a very good place to start". I shudder when I have to use this system and try to avoid it as much as possible.
When I was growing up there was always an operator (usually female) at the end of the line who would address your problem instantly. This tribe of operators were usually very helpful and would even lend a shoulder to cry on if the problem merited it. I salute that tribe of operators and wish they were back - I am sure they will wave the magic wand and set things right at the blink of the eye!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Strawberries in Visakhapatnam
Two weeks ago I nearly fell out of the auto rickshaw I was travelling in when I spotted strawberries for sale on the pavement of Visakhapatnam main road. These exotic fruits are not usually seen even in the regular fruit market and the only shops to stock it used to be the uptown departmental store Karachiwala at really high prices and here was this vendor selling it so casually along with guava, apples and grapes. I could not resist asking the price because I had never ever tasted them earlier though my imagination and English reading experience had led me to have an exquisite expectation of the taste of this exotic fruit much celebrated by the characters of Enid Blyton and all the novels published by Mills & Boon. I did not bat an eyelid when he quoted one hundred rupees for ten tiny strawberries hardly larger than the zizypus or ber that we are used to buying for a few paisas. I decided to get it though the same amount would have fetched me one and half a Kg of seedless black grapes, at least a dozen red luscious apples, two dozens of bananas, twenty green guavas....Oh the list is endless - butI stuck to my resolve and decided that strawberries were worth their weight and not to be compared with these lowly fruits.
My husband raised his eyebrow at the cost and the fruit but decided to humour me. I washed each of those strawberries very carefully in water and discovered two damaged ones to my dismay. I arranged them on an elegant white china plate - no a saucer was enough - with a golden rim. I offered my husband one and took one and very elegantly bit into it. Eeeeek! It was sour ! My husband very gently inquired "Is it supposed to taste like this?"
I did not know how to answer him so I just pretended no to hear the question. Two days later an old friend a Cosmopolitan who had travelled extensively in the West came home. I offered her the strawberry and asked her to taste it tell me whether it tasted like the ones she had tasted abroad.
That is when I realized that native fruits are best eaten in their natural habitat. May be these strawberries would taste exotic and exquisite in their home land. There is no doubt that in Visakhapatnam they cannot compete with the taste of Jamun, Mango, guava and and other local fruits like rose apple, palmyra fruit to name a few. So I am sorry to say, "Good bye Scarlet Strawberries! You will never again tempt me!"
My husband raised his eyebrow at the cost and the fruit but decided to humour me. I washed each of those strawberries very carefully in water and discovered two damaged ones to my dismay. I arranged them on an elegant white china plate - no a saucer was enough - with a golden rim. I offered my husband one and took one and very elegantly bit into it. Eeeeek! It was sour ! My husband very gently inquired "Is it supposed to taste like this?"
I did not know how to answer him so I just pretended no to hear the question. Two days later an old friend a Cosmopolitan who had travelled extensively in the West came home. I offered her the strawberry and asked her to taste it tell me whether it tasted like the ones she had tasted abroad.
That is when I realized that native fruits are best eaten in their natural habitat. May be these strawberries would taste exotic and exquisite in their home land. There is no doubt that in Visakhapatnam they cannot compete with the taste of Jamun, Mango, guava and and other local fruits like rose apple, palmyra fruit to name a few. So I am sorry to say, "Good bye Scarlet Strawberries! You will never again tempt me!"
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Canes for Support
When my doctor suggested that I use a walking stick to prevent further deterioration of my knee joint I was aghast and rebelled at the idea of using a stick even before turning 60. Three years later after quite a lot of damage was done to my knee, I realized the error of my ways when a young friend told me “When you did not hesitate to wear spectacles why are you hesitating to carry a stick both are aids after all!”
Inspired by the wisdom of that little girl I began to use a walking stick and from the word go there was no dearth of reactions. The shopkeeper, who had known me for long, refused to sell me the usual orthopedic sticks with tripod or quadri-pod support. Instead he convinced me to buy a foldable stick, which would not make me look too disabled. Everyone from my family members to acquaintances was shocked, and continue to be shocked, when they see me with the stick. I did appreciate their concern but it also made me feel a bit depressed and wallow in a bout of self-pity. Once I emerged from the trough of despair my academic curiosity was kindled and I decided to research the walking stick or cane as it is often called. It made a very interesting study and made me realize that behind the lowly cane rests a saga of glory and grandeur unmatched by other aids used by human beings.
The history of walking canes or sticks, as we know it today started when humans walked the earth. The use of walking stick or "cane" has its roots in the "big stick" wielded by prehistoric man as a weapon of self-protection as well as belligerence. To the Ancient Egyptians and Greeks staffs, carried by rulers and gods, symbolized their authority and during the Middle Ages these staffs became the scepters of kings. While the pilgrims used the cane as an aid to travel; shepherds and cowherds used theirs as support as well as a device to herd the animals under their care. Travelers usually used heavy wooden sticks about five feet long with secret compartments on the top for carrying valuables or for smuggling contraband. Records show that silkworm eggs were smuggled into Europe in a hollow staff as were the first tulip bulb introduced into Holland.
The walking stick evolved into a dress accessory in the 11th century France, where women carried slender sticks made of apple wood but it was not until the end of the 15th century, however, that the walking stick was adopted as a general accessory to dress, this time as a masculine rather than feminine fashion. From the 18th to the early third of the 20th century, cane was an indispensable part of the Western gentleman's formal attire. It was popular not only among the old but also the young who used it as a means of defense or as functional support over uneven terrain since paved roads were not very common.
While in the West they were presented to the oldest member of the town in India it was commonly presented at the time of superannuating from a career or at the time of shastiabathapurthi. Canes, necessary for ceremony and ritual are usually ornately decorated with insignias, symbols, or life events of important people. “Bragging Staffs” intricately carved with details of the life of its owners are coveted by many museums for their historic value.
My advice to people who need support to walk is the Japanese proverb that says “Depend on your walking stick not on other people.”
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Dassera - A Feminine Celebration of Creativity, Spirituality & Sustenance
Dassera the Indian festival glorifying the goddesses of Energy, Wealth and Intellect has come and gone again. Celebrated all over the country, this is truly a feminine festival except may be in the Northern states where greater importance is given to Rama’s victory over Raavan. In the Southern states (except Kerala where it is not as popular) it is a celebration of femininity in its full glory of creativity, spirituality and nurturing. The glorious golu (doll’s display) in Tamil and Kannadiga households provides an outlet for their aesthetic inventiveness and their resourcefulness finds full expression in setting up innovative displays of not only religious images but becomes also a statement of their social consciousness when they put up themes of social relevance. Women in all the states from Kashmir to Kanyakumari perform several rituals that are typically indigenous to their region but resemble others, during this period of nine days of joy and exuberance. The nava(nine) ratri (nights) is also the time when the culinary skills of women come to the forefront as they compete with each other to prepare special recipes to tickle the palates of their near and dear ones. This festival has a special significance because it comes just after the rains when the whole countryside is fresh and green, filling every soul with enthusiasm and ecstasy.
This Dassera has been a special one for me because for the first time in my life of six decades, I enjoyed the camaraderie and friendship of women, who were not my professional colleagues. My social circle has been limited all these years to women in academic profession and though there were neighbours and other relatives, I rarely found time to interact with them as I did during this Dassera. I enjoyed the company of these young and not so young ladies, who live in my apartment complex. As long as I was in service it was only “Hi” and “Bye” in the corridor or the lift but these nine days when I joined them for the Lalitha Sahasaranamam and other religious recitals, I enjoyed a sense of peace which I have never experienced earlier and was exposed to the immense amount of good will and amity they possess. I am truly grateful to Maa Durga for having brought these people into my life! They made me realize how truly empowered women can become if they want to be! Women do not have to go out and conquer the World. All they need is a sense of achievement and contentment with whatever they do – that is truly liberating!
This Dassera has been a special one for me because for the first time in my life of six decades, I enjoyed the camaraderie and friendship of women, who were not my professional colleagues. My social circle has been limited all these years to women in academic profession and though there were neighbours and other relatives, I rarely found time to interact with them as I did during this Dassera. I enjoyed the company of these young and not so young ladies, who live in my apartment complex. As long as I was in service it was only “Hi” and “Bye” in the corridor or the lift but these nine days when I joined them for the Lalitha Sahasaranamam and other religious recitals, I enjoyed a sense of peace which I have never experienced earlier and was exposed to the immense amount of good will and amity they possess. I am truly grateful to Maa Durga for having brought these people into my life! They made me realize how truly empowered women can become if they want to be! Women do not have to go out and conquer the World. All they need is a sense of achievement and contentment with whatever they do – that is truly liberating!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Are you a Knitter?
Knitting season in India usually begins in September usually just after Dassera when the weather begins to turn cool in the Northern parts of the country. So you will wonder why talk about it now - the very thought of knitting makes us feel hotter! Well for one thing the thought of knitting reminds me of the cold weather and that helps me to tide over the summer knowing that cooler months will come once again and also because the very word "knitting" makes me visualize the lovely colors of the wool and the soothing skill of knitting.
I have always been an avid knitter having learnt it from my mother (who was a knitting enthusiast right up to her grave and more important who knitted even in summer) as a preschooler. My first stitches were on a pair of smoothened sticks from the coconut broom. I graduated to knitting with four needles, circular needles et al over five decades and still continue to knit though the local weather does not really warrant woolens even in December.
When I was in high school the character of Madame Defarge, knitting the names of her victims fascinated me in the "Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens. Till then I had not even thought that knitting could be used for any purpose other than making warm clothing to protect one from the winter. When I entered college as a fresher I met this smiley pleasant nun Mother Aloysia who also was very busy with knitting - her hands were never still and she perpetually knitted dainty baby sets in lovely pastel colors. Then I realized that here was another lady who used knitting for a different purpose - she knitted "Hail Marys" into her knitting in order to bless the child who would wear it with health and longevity. These two characters influenced me to view knitting from a different perspective ( I began to incorporate my affection into the pieces I knitted.
I did not think about knitting too deeply in the intervening period though I continued to knit and tried to make the girls and women in my circle take up this art or skill. I recently came across this lovely book "Zen and the Art of Knitting" by Bernadette Murphy (Publisher - Adams Media Corporation) which made me realize that knitting is not just a frugal craft but something much more than that. I realized that people knit for several reasons - from bonding with their earlier generation or future generation to the spiritual and meditative aspects.
What attracted me most was Rudolf Steiner's (1861-1925)philosophy on knitting.He postulated that knitting as also other handicrafts are integral to the educational process of children. He instituted the Waldorf system of Schooling. According to this program the first graders learn to knit prior to learning to write or learn numbers as a method of developing fine motor sills and numerical understanding necessary for the acquisition of the three Rs. Recent researches in Neurology confirms that mobility and dexterity of fine motor skills especially of the hands stimulates cellular development in the brain thus strengthening one's ability to think and make intellectual connections. Rudolf Steiner has rightly said "Thinking is cosmic knitting".
So what are you waiting for? Take a pair of needles and start knitting. If you do not know how to knit find someone to teach you and experiment with it until you begin to enjoy the benefits of knitting as a method of enhancing your intellect while reducing your stress!
I have always been an avid knitter having learnt it from my mother (who was a knitting enthusiast right up to her grave and more important who knitted even in summer) as a preschooler. My first stitches were on a pair of smoothened sticks from the coconut broom. I graduated to knitting with four needles, circular needles et al over five decades and still continue to knit though the local weather does not really warrant woolens even in December.
When I was in high school the character of Madame Defarge, knitting the names of her victims fascinated me in the "Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens. Till then I had not even thought that knitting could be used for any purpose other than making warm clothing to protect one from the winter. When I entered college as a fresher I met this smiley pleasant nun Mother Aloysia who also was very busy with knitting - her hands were never still and she perpetually knitted dainty baby sets in lovely pastel colors. Then I realized that here was another lady who used knitting for a different purpose - she knitted "Hail Marys" into her knitting in order to bless the child who would wear it with health and longevity. These two characters influenced me to view knitting from a different perspective ( I began to incorporate my affection into the pieces I knitted.
I did not think about knitting too deeply in the intervening period though I continued to knit and tried to make the girls and women in my circle take up this art or skill. I recently came across this lovely book "Zen and the Art of Knitting" by Bernadette Murphy (Publisher - Adams Media Corporation) which made me realize that knitting is not just a frugal craft but something much more than that. I realized that people knit for several reasons - from bonding with their earlier generation or future generation to the spiritual and meditative aspects.
What attracted me most was Rudolf Steiner's (1861-1925)philosophy on knitting.He postulated that knitting as also other handicrafts are integral to the educational process of children. He instituted the Waldorf system of Schooling. According to this program the first graders learn to knit prior to learning to write or learn numbers as a method of developing fine motor sills and numerical understanding necessary for the acquisition of the three Rs. Recent researches in Neurology confirms that mobility and dexterity of fine motor skills especially of the hands stimulates cellular development in the brain thus strengthening one's ability to think and make intellectual connections. Rudolf Steiner has rightly said "Thinking is cosmic knitting".
So what are you waiting for? Take a pair of needles and start knitting. If you do not know how to knit find someone to teach you and experiment with it until you begin to enjoy the benefits of knitting as a method of enhancing your intellect while reducing your stress!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Do you show your appreciation?
An article by Ms Bharathi Bhaskar in the Tamil fortnightly Aval Vikatan set me thinking. She says that appreciation for women's achievements is rarely forthcoming. She avers that people around a woman tend to take her for granted and do not take the trouble to express their appreciation of her qualities.
At first I tended to dismiss the idea thinking - "What nonsense! We have too many people trying to flatter us and what is this lady saying?" But further thinking and analysis of the experiences of various people made me realize that not only women even men often go unappreciated and their valuable actions do go unheeded and unrecognized.
The recipes prepared with so much care by the homemaker, the tidiness of the house maintained by the daughter, the sacrifices made by the elder brother to look after the family after the demise of the father, the teenager's 95% in his /her examinations, the mother-in-law babysitting so that the son and bahu can go for a movie and so on the list is endless.
We rarely take time to compliment and recognize the little acts of kindness that people around us are performing all the time. Many of our spiritual literature urges us to live an 'attitude of gratitude' - to be thankful for every blessing that we receive. This also means that we express our gratitude by expressing our appreciation of the people who make value additions to our life.
Take time to appreciate everyone from the watchman in your apartment complex to the top executive in your office and see the difference. Shakespeare has said that the quality of mercy ... 'blesseth him that gives and him that takes" - the same thing applies to compliments too - it makes the person, who receives it, feel cherished and it makes you happy when you see the pleasure on someone's face. Smile at the waiter who serves you tea, thank your spouse for being supportive, praise your little son/daughter who tries to help you in their own way, show your appreciation and endorse the many acts of loving kindness that you encounter everyday.
You will find that you add a ray of sunshine to someone's life while experiencing a warm glow in your heart!
At first I tended to dismiss the idea thinking - "What nonsense! We have too many people trying to flatter us and what is this lady saying?" But further thinking and analysis of the experiences of various people made me realize that not only women even men often go unappreciated and their valuable actions do go unheeded and unrecognized.
The recipes prepared with so much care by the homemaker, the tidiness of the house maintained by the daughter, the sacrifices made by the elder brother to look after the family after the demise of the father, the teenager's 95% in his /her examinations, the mother-in-law babysitting so that the son and bahu can go for a movie and so on the list is endless.
We rarely take time to compliment and recognize the little acts of kindness that people around us are performing all the time. Many of our spiritual literature urges us to live an 'attitude of gratitude' - to be thankful for every blessing that we receive. This also means that we express our gratitude by expressing our appreciation of the people who make value additions to our life.
Take time to appreciate everyone from the watchman in your apartment complex to the top executive in your office and see the difference. Shakespeare has said that the quality of mercy ... 'blesseth him that gives and him that takes" - the same thing applies to compliments too - it makes the person, who receives it, feel cherished and it makes you happy when you see the pleasure on someone's face. Smile at the waiter who serves you tea, thank your spouse for being supportive, praise your little son/daughter who tries to help you in their own way, show your appreciation and endorse the many acts of loving kindness that you encounter everyday.
You will find that you add a ray of sunshine to someone's life while experiencing a warm glow in your heart!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Seasons of Friendship
Tribute to My Friend Pramila
When I entered Timpany School, Visakhapatnam to start IX grade, I did not know what friendship was. It may sound strange but from nursery class to VIII grade I had been shifted from school to school seven times due to my father’s employment and in no school did I have the leisure to move from acquaintance to friendship with any individual.
The first day in Timpany when I saw elegant, smartly dressed Pramila (even the uniform took on a special grace on her), I could only gape at her as a creature who had descended from outer space. Of course the class boasted of the glamorous Shagarika Lahiri (who later became a model for Ponds) but it was Pramila S David, with her gentleness and affection, who walked into my heart and at that time in life, I did not even imagine that we would travel such a long way together (four more years to celebrate the Golden Jubilee).
Pramila, from a strict orthodox Protestant Christian family with a charming mother, handsome father and seven siblings, filled me with envy and later as we became closer taught me the household discipline. Her mother’s strict apportioning of household work among the children and her father’s prayerfulness were like a real life enactment of “Little Women” by Louisa M Alcott. Her keen intellect, quick grasp of facts, dainty neatness, her unstinting loyalty to family and friends alike, observance of Sunday Sabbath even before an examination, her ready wit, her willingness to help, meticulous attention to detail and her keen intellect have amazed me at every juncture of my life. It is unbelievable that in these long years of association we have never had a single difference of opinion nor have we squabbled even once - my daughters of course are convinced that it is due to her Virgoan trait.
We travelled from school to St. Joseph's College for Women, where for three years we were inseparables with most of my weekends (as a hostelite) spent in her warm home. After graduation we parted to continue our postgraduation - she in Andhra University and I in SV University but we caught up with each other again when I joined St. Joseph's as a lecturer. Her tenure in AU and mine in SJC kept us in touch with each other continuously personally as well as professionally. She helped me to complete my M.Phil and my PhD while I was the proud teacher of her eldest daughter Sudipta who is my protege of sorts. Dr V.S.Bose her husband and Mr Krishnamurthy, my ever-suffering husband also became friends and the bonds (we like to think fondly) has been carried over to our children.
She has been my guide (personally as well professionally), advisor, philosopher, confidante, a shoulder to cry on, sounding board and much more than what words can describe. I am indeed grateful to God for a friend like Pramila whose description can be completed only by quoting the bible-
When I entered Timpany School, Visakhapatnam to start IX grade, I did not know what friendship was. It may sound strange but from nursery class to VIII grade I had been shifted from school to school seven times due to my father’s employment and in no school did I have the leisure to move from acquaintance to friendship with any individual.
The first day in Timpany when I saw elegant, smartly dressed Pramila (even the uniform took on a special grace on her), I could only gape at her as a creature who had descended from outer space. Of course the class boasted of the glamorous Shagarika Lahiri (who later became a model for Ponds) but it was Pramila S David, with her gentleness and affection, who walked into my heart and at that time in life, I did not even imagine that we would travel such a long way together (four more years to celebrate the Golden Jubilee).
Pramila, from a strict orthodox Protestant Christian family with a charming mother, handsome father and seven siblings, filled me with envy and later as we became closer taught me the household discipline. Her mother’s strict apportioning of household work among the children and her father’s prayerfulness were like a real life enactment of “Little Women” by Louisa M Alcott. Her keen intellect, quick grasp of facts, dainty neatness, her unstinting loyalty to family and friends alike, observance of Sunday Sabbath even before an examination, her ready wit, her willingness to help, meticulous attention to detail and her keen intellect have amazed me at every juncture of my life. It is unbelievable that in these long years of association we have never had a single difference of opinion nor have we squabbled even once - my daughters of course are convinced that it is due to her Virgoan trait.
We travelled from school to St. Joseph's College for Women, where for three years we were inseparables with most of my weekends (as a hostelite) spent in her warm home. After graduation we parted to continue our postgraduation - she in Andhra University and I in SV University but we caught up with each other again when I joined St. Joseph's as a lecturer. Her tenure in AU and mine in SJC kept us in touch with each other continuously personally as well as professionally. She helped me to complete my M.Phil and my PhD while I was the proud teacher of her eldest daughter Sudipta who is my protege of sorts. Dr V.S.Bose her husband and Mr Krishnamurthy, my ever-suffering husband also became friends and the bonds (we like to think fondly) has been carried over to our children.
She has been my guide (personally as well professionally), advisor, philosopher, confidante, a shoulder to cry on, sounding board and much more than what words can describe. I am indeed grateful to God for a friend like Pramila whose description can be completed only by quoting the bible-
"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.…Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come… She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised." - Proverbs 31:10-31 (King James Version)
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Decorated Thresholds
In the past and may be even now in some of the villages and smaller towns of South India, women folk were in the habit of decorating the door posts of the entrance totheir houses with a great deal of creativity and aesthetic.
On the eve of any festival as also on every wednesday or thursday, the women of the household would apply turmeric paste to the cleaned lower foot or so of the door post on either side of the entrance. This would form a background on which intricate designs were drawn using rice flour and kumkum. The designs and motifs were highly symbolic and each family would have a special one. The turmeric may have helped to prevent attack of the wood by pests like termite, while the design themselves were like lamp posts identifying the family residing therein. Other women who came to invite them for religious functions would put the kumkum mark on the door post design if the mistress was not available in the home when they came to invite her. The top portion of the door post would be decorated with mango leaves as also flowers to give a festive look while doing their bit to purify the air within the house by the process of transpiration.
With change in occupation of the women as well as due to urbanisation door posts are now decorated with paint and the lintels with plastic flowers. Those of the younger generation are hardly aware of this custom and even if they are aware they do not know the traditional design that hall marked their family once upon a time.
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